Tilly sits next to me on the couch on this chilly morning, furry butt rested up against my leg, head turned to the open side door, ears perking every now and again to a passerby or leaf scratching the pavement. Occasionally she sprints out to bark at some poor unsuspecting person having a conversation she deems too loud or a bird that dares to fly near enough to be caught. Satisfied all is safe, she returns to my side and resumes her post, grumbling under her breath like an ornery old man. Only when silence and outside activity has maintained its peace for an appropriate period of time does she relax enough to lay more comfortably, head in my lap. These moments of rest, however, are only minutes. She is always on alert, always protecting, always loyal. Even with eyes closed, ears are sentinel. I am reminded everyday of the kind of friend I need to be and the kind of friend I ought to have in the spunky and lovable character of my dog. In exchange for her loyalty and love, I am loyal in making sure she is well fed, she is walked and played with, even when I am sick or depressed and don't want to walk the hour. I bathe her, I tell her how much she means to me, and sometimes I spank her to keep her from running out of the yard into the street. But I protect her, as she protects me…because…I love her. It is not a rule, it is not something we do because we feel an obligation to do so. It is not a choice when you love like this…you behave how love behaves in its truest and purest form because it is there. Simple.
The subject of friendship has come up a lot recently, in the way spiritual tides ebb and flow. Strangers, books, music, and even television spout quotes and anecdotes that intersect with this topic in such a loud way that has made me feel like I should attune my ears. It is in these times, and I know everyone has had them, where it seems like EVERYONE is saying to you the same thing, that you must ask the powers that be "What do you need to say to me?" My father when he visited recently told me to be careful of the company I keep and to remember the heart I have and the way I was raised. He spoke words of love and encouragement every day he was here. It had been so long since I had had anyone say these things to me, I drank it up like water and still feel the healing of it now. My counselor recently told me that in order to be my best self I need to have the gain of good friendship and to try to be friends with someone I admire and who can tell me what they admire in me. Someone who will tell it to me straight, will not tell me things to try to hurt me, but is willing to hurt me to heal me. We often become friends with people who are in the same place we are in because we selfishly feel understood and can go about doing what we do without changing. But to be in a healthy friendship, we must sharpen each other, demand better of each other, be in a constant climb upward. I am reminded of one of my favorite proverbs, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are profuse." Everyone is friends at the end of the night at the bar. But few friends will call you to wake your lazy ass up to go for a healthy jog.
A good friend of mine stopped by late the other night to check on me. He had heard I had given myself a rough week and sat to listen and give sound advice, judgement free. Though he had had a long day and children at home he wanted to get to, he was compelled to take the time to show concern and love. Much like me walking my dog when I was tired, he took the time to show he cared when I am sure he was tired. It was a simple selfless act, and one he doesn't even probably give a seconds' thought to, but one that made all the difference to me. I have had my eyes closed to a truth that has been standing quietly in front of me waiting for me to open my eyes. And sometimes that it the beauty of true friendship. The subtlety in which it effects you positively later, like my father's words of life. We don't always appreciate the slap in the face when it happens…but when it saves us from getting run over later…we do. And we don't always appreciate the blanket someone has put around us, until we are met with the cold wind of our enemies…but when it keeps us warm…we then do.
I endeavor to be a better friend to those around me like the ones I have been blessed to have, so that they don't feel like I bring them down, so that they know how much they mean to me. In turn I pray for the wisdom to measure the effects of the company I keep and so I can continue to grow in the TRUTH and LOVE that stands quietly in front of me waiting patiently for me to see.
